who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
