Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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