the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
