Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
