just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
