And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
