I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mom said you looked used
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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