Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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