Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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