i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize