Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
