I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
