i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
