if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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