May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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