I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
