Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize