OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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