I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
