conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
