I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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