I accidentally burped into my bong.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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