His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
