I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
