i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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