What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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