everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
