Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
