I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
