Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
