You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there is glitter all over my balls
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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