Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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