i think my mom watched the whole time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
