the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Im part way to drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize