Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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