Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
