i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
