Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
