don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize