This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
