Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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