The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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