the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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