OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
