grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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