Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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