And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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