I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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