The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize