what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
