I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
