Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
