I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize