I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
