why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
