Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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