I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
