You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
