That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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