got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
