I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
