Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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