I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
its not stalking. its research.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
