sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
