yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
