I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
