Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
