i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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