Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
