i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
