I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
