I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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