it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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